I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
