I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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