We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
