Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
