since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
