Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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