I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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