there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
