im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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