Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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