Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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