Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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