EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
