this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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