Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
