people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
