last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
