I'm lost and stupid without you.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize