Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
