I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
