I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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