i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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