He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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