were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize