Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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