Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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