Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
