He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have aggressive nipples.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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