"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
