My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
