I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
