Got a toothbrush?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
