woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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