Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
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