I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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