So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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