First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
