I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
