kristin has been a bad kristin
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
