Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
