At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
