Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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