I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
