So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
