ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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