Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
