it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
