I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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