Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
