After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
