I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
