Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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