We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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