Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She needs sedatives and a leash
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
