So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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