I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
