he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I didn't notice because vodka
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
