I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
