Do you still have your period?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
