my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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