ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
