A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
