ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
