How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
