it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Are we still banned from the library?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
