Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
