Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
