I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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