just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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